Happy Father's Day!

Today I am feeling bittersweet, wishing my dad was here to see his grandchildren and how they have grown into phenomenal young adults. Since his passing in 1985, the older boys have become independent, adventurous, handsome, each with their own unique way of being in the world.

While the older two boys have vague childhood memories of my father, the younger two children never met him. They know him through stories and photos and how much I can be like him. Some of this I know from what he was interested in-like science fiction and the UFO documentaries he would take us to see. Motivating or challenging…like him I am always right, I have high expectations and can be stubborn and unforgiving in that arena. From his walks on the farm I know I share his deep spiritual connection with nature, without having to be in church. From his library (old books that I still treasure as my own) I know his unique way of seeing the world around him and his fascination with the night sky and its infinite mysteries and messages. I have his intense curiosity of knowing how things work or how people do things. His commitment to building community and selfless service (sometimes to a fault) is something I embody. While not with a drafting table, I love to draw. And I am a collector of useful things….clutter some people might say…wabi sabi I say!

My mom recently shared that she sees different parts of my father come through my brothers and myself. With tears running down my cheeks, I listened as she explained how we each use the gifts my father instilled within us. She said that I have the gift of knowing what to do in times of crisis, how to take charge of a situation-whether it is dealing with my son’s foot gushing blood (okay, not like Saturday Nite Live) from sliding into a broken bottle, to calming a nervous groom, or centering with a cancer patient fraught with anxiety over whether chemo is the right choice. From Daddy, I am blessed with a cool head and clear thinking in that moment. No one knows that I crumble an hour later…that was his secret too. For that gift I am eternally grateful.

No dad is perfect and mine was as human as the rest. There were things that frustrated me like when he told me I should be a technical writer because my math was not strong enough to be an engineer. And what I remember most is the small crystals of knowing he bestowed upon me. When I was two weeks from giving birth to my first child…sitting as comfortably as I could on my bed, talking with him on the phone late one night, I expressed my nervousness and asked him,

“What if I can’t do this?” (natural childbirth)

And he replied simply,

“You’re a Wasinger, you can do anything.”

Enough said…that sentence has come back to me over and over in my life. And it makes me think about what I have given to my children, have I given them the same type of mantra that they can turn to over and over again? Food for thought.

Father’s day is not complete without honoring my step-dad. His metaphorical tool box contained a completely different set of tools. He modeled the spirit of entrepreneurism and being self dependent and private. He too knew everything… about different stuff. As a retired Marine, he had a unique perspective on patriotism and politics and war. He was crotchety and stubborn. He would do anything for anyone if they needed help. He had a deep love for the outdoors in summer. He was opinionated and vocal and had a deep respect for people willing to challenge him or state their own case. His smile was a flash of lightning that charmed you. He made my mom happy and took care of her.

I really got to know him in his last years as he fought a valiant fight with cancer…showing me how to be optimistic and good natured where ever the cancer journey took him. Those tools were ones that I know he had hoped I would never get to use…and as fate would have it; those were the very tools that I have used the most. Our cancer journeys ended in 2006…his with the peace he found outside of a body weary of its many years of treatment, mine with the end of chemo and radiation and the belief I had done everything I could to be well and stay well for many years.

I am lucky to have had two men in my life that left me with an abundance of life experience and examples of how I choose to be, or how not to be. Both equally as valuable. So today I express gratitude for all of the above…